What I learned in Kindergarten

You know those cutesy-pootsey e-mails that get sent around teaching you about how "wise" kids are and how kindergarten teaches you to share and take naps... blah blah blah? Well, I've spent some time in a kindergarten class too, and I think that I've come up with what I really REALLY learned in Kindergarten, top-ten-style. So.... here they are!

10. If someone steals something from you... steal the same thing from someone else!

9. Hitting your head against the wall ensures your social standing as a funny person.

8. Spitting on people is fun!

7. Glue, paint, and pencil shavings constitute fine dining.

6. The higher up you are in a building, the more things you can break by throwing them out the window.

5. If you want someone's attention, say their name 500 times. When you have their attention, say it another 500 times for good measure.

4. The best way to resolve a dispute is by punching, biting, scratching, eye-gouging, name-calling, and slapping.

3. If someone gives you something, it is usually fun to break it to see if they will give you another. Repeat.

2. If nobody saw you do it, lie. If someone saw you do it, lie by saying *that* person did it. If EVERYONE saw you do it, spit, bite, punch, whine, throw things, slap, cry, and then fall down on the floor in a heap.... then lie.

1. If someone makes you mad, pick up a plastic chair and use it to hit them in the head!!


Well, there you have it folks. The REAL things I learned in Kindergarten. Cheers!